Forward 10: Doing What’s Right is Not Always Easy
Life is replete with lessons, some difficult, most instructive, all character-building. Every once in a while I find it helpful to remember the lessons I’ve learned – to assure myself that I “got it” the first time and, in some cases, to make sure I don’t make the same mistake twice.
Here are a few things I’ve learned over the years, all with one thing in common: they involve doing what’s right, not just what’s easy.
1. Tell the truth. Easier said than done? Try it sometime. Not only is it the right thing to do, it’s the best way to live your life. Does this mean you should be brutally honest? Not necessarily. Tact is an important quality too.
2. Speak up, not out. Avoiding the knee-jerk reaction to want to speak out can do you a world of good. By the same token, learning to speak up and let your voice be heard – with intelligence and grace – will always do you well. The hard part is picking your time to speak, not just speaking to hear your own voice.
3. Shut up and listen. How many times have you been in a “conversation” when you are just waiting for the other person to stop talking so you can have your turn? Take the time to listen to the other person. REALLY hear what they have to say, and try to understand their point of view. Listening is a highly underrated art.
4. Put ego aside. If you can take the YOU out of a relationship – business or personal – the result may surprise you. Are you always worried about how you are perceived, understood, valued? Are you less concerned about what the other person thinks about the situation? Step back and remember that relationships take two people, at the minimum. It truly is not about just YOU!
5. Stand up. Ever witness something that you know is wrong but don’t say anything about it? Stand up and be heard. Don’t assume someone else will do it for you. The loudest sound is a person’s voice that stays silent in the face of an injustice.
6. Sit down. One of my business contacts has a philosophy: Act humbly, think mutually. Are you paying it forward, or looking inward? See #4.
7. Respond to everyone. Now this is a very hard thing to do. How many times do you ignore emails, voice mails, personal messages because you don’t value the sender? Take a few seconds to respond – to everyone who reaches out to you. A simple “not interested, but thanks!” means more to that person than ignoring them. Think of it this way: if you were at a party and someone came up to you and asked you a question, would you turn away and not answer them?
8. Take time for yourself. You’re in a hurry, busy, stressed. Take time – 30 minutes a day to start – just for you. Take a walk at lunchtime. Get up 30 minutes earlier and read, or journal (or blog). Do something totally off the wall once a month JUST FOR YOU. Everyone around you will benefit from your better attitude as a result.
9. Take time for your friends and family. When you have kids, you watch them grow in a blink of an eye. Your parents grow older in a heartbeat. Take time to connect (or reconnect) with those you love. Do it today. Tomorrow you’ll be too busy.
10. Bless, don’t curse. I saved this one for last because, for me, this is the hardest and most important one on the list. Stop grumbling at the guy that cut you off in traffic or the barista that got your latte order screwed up. Bless them instead. Thank the clerk at the store for his/her service. It all comes back to you in the end. You will be happier and healthier as a result.
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Chuck-
I love tip #7. I try to respond to everyone, but I know I sometimes forget — I’ll step up my efforts.
Comment by Drew Meyers — March 29, 2007 @ 12:07 am
[…] Blessed blogging Posted in Public Relations by greenbanana on the March 29th, 2007 Some great advice from Chuck Hester at the Forward Blog - I particularly like “bless don’t curse”. In public relations terms, Grunig calls this investing in a “communal relationship” rather than just focusing on “exchange relationships” where we do something for a payback in return. Sometimes the only outcome of being nice is a little internal glow of feeling good - true as individuals and in professional practice. […]
Pingback by Blessed blogging « Heather Yaxley - Greenbanana views of public relations and more — March 29, 2007 @ 5:06 am
Chuck-
#7 is very good advice. It’s hard to make time in your day to follow up with every single call/email that comes in. I had really been slacking in this regard before reading your post. I just spent 30mins doing as you suggest and it’s made my day. Everyone deserves a polite response, no matter their relevance.
Comment by John Stauffer — March 29, 2007 @ 1:48 pm
Chuck,
Thanks for the post. It is a good perspective to take in life. It’s sometimes hard to stay focused on what’s important in life. It is good to remember to stay positive. It’s amazing how much a positive attitude can change your outlook on life.
I like your #2. It’s sometimes hard to have the guts to speak up. Even when you do speak up, it can be difficult to sound intelligent and poised. I think it’s also important to remember only to speak up when you actually have something of intelligence to say. It only takes one time of speaking poorly for your peers to lose respect for you.
I think #7 is also an important rule to remember. It’s amazing how much people appreciate a quickly returned e-mail or phone call. It can do wonders for creating a positive image for a company.
Overall, I think your message is to be more personable, less self-involved, and honest. All good advice. Unfortunately, sometimes it can be easier said than done! Thanks for the advice.
Comment by Lauren N. — April 1, 2007 @ 9:18 pm
Chuck,
I really like your post. It is so easy to get caught up in the busyness of each day that I forget the simple things in life. I appreciate your advice and these reminders.
I can especially relate to your # 7. I always return the phone calls and emails that matter the most to me at the time. While I appreciate when people get back to me efficiently, I do not always do the same, especially if I am preoccupied with something else. A quick reply is better than no reply at all.
Your #10 also sticks out to me.and I agree it is the hardest one on the list. As a student, I find myself getting frustrated when the papers, tests and projects seem relentless, blaming my teachers for assigning everything in the same week and so on. Grumbling and complaining do nothing to improve the situation, but instead create a worse attitude and outlook. This is so important to remember and I need to make more of an effort to put this tip into practice.
Comment by Allison — April 2, 2007 @ 3:23 pm
Chuck,
A few really stuck out to me. 2, 7 and 10 to be exact, but what really matters is taking time to really sit down and breath. These are all values that are somewhat instilled inside of us from the beginning. We just lose course along the way. Number two speaks volumes because I am an opinionated person with “knee-jerk reactions.” Being more patient and willing to take in the whole situation would be more helpful. Number seven hits me because of the internship search and job hunt taking place in my classrooms right now. Everyday we send out resumes and cover letters and clips and from many we don’t hear one response. It hurts to be turned down, but it hurts worse to never even get a reply. And number ten kind of goes back to relaxing more often. From road rage to long post office lines, patience is a virtue!
Comment by Stephanie — April 2, 2007 @ 4:29 pm
I really want to thank you for listing #10. As a waitress, I have had to deal with a lot of grouchy “grumbling guys” that take their hunger pains out on me. If only every customer could read your post and learn to bless people for their services, doing what’s right would be a lot easier… and everyone would be a lot happier and healthier. You’re right, it all comes back to you in the end!
Comment by Ashley — April 2, 2007 @ 11:23 pm
To all who have commented:
I am very pleased that I struck a cord in so many of you. Writing Forward 10 is always a “tune up” for me on the things I need to pay attention to in business and in life.
Again, thanks for your comments!
Comment by Chuck Hester — April 3, 2007 @ 6:39 am
I think #3 is something that everyone in every field should keep in mind. There are so many times when we think we know the best way to do something or know exactly how to fix a problem and in reality we don’t. If we would just take the time to shut up and listen to other’s opinions, we would be much better off. Having an equal conversation will allow both parties to give input and come up with the best solution to the problem. If one person does all of the talking, you miss out on a lot of good input, which is a disadvantage to all.
Comment by Dana — April 4, 2007 @ 2:39 pm
[…] 4. Say “thank you” more often. I touched on this in my last column. Thank you is a phrase that is both overused and undervalued. We sometimes say thank you automatically and don’t appreciate who we are saying it to. Next time, pause, make eye contact, and say “thank you for what you do” to someone helping you. I have developed this habit with airport security workers. It is a thankless job, to be sure. Brighten up their day by stopping and really expressing your thanks. […]
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